Sunday, September 21, 2014

Roots or Leaves?!?!

Okay, so maybe I over estimated my abilities. Maybe I think I can do more than I really can. Maybe my pinterest board is the most glamorous part of my life right now. And maybe I'm okay with that.

If you would have asked me 4 months ago, I would have said let's pack our bags and go somewhere, anywhere. Let's leave this place behind and see the world that's out there waiting for me.

But now, 4 months later, I'm ready to do nothing more than go home. I ready to go to bed every night snuggling my dog. I'm ready to eat home cooked meals. I'm ready to not share a bathroom with 10 other girls, or a washing machine, or a living room. I'm ready to have a house not a room. I want a kitchen, a car, a TV, cell service. I'm just ready to have familiar things in my life again.

I always thought that I could live a gypsy life. I have always wanted to travel and see the world and have memories of amazing places. And I guess I have done a little of that, but I wanted big and grand and I was ready. Now, I think I'm ready to have a life. Be someone, not somewhere. 

At this moment in time I want to be a lifestyle blog failure. All my hopes and ambitions of becoming a traveling blogger are dwindling with my need to be home.

This summer has been both amazing and terrible all at the same time. Yes, being a wrangler is the ultimate job, but this wasn't everything I thought it was going to be, but what is really?

The big issue here is that not only do you have to wake up every morning and work all day long, you have only a 100 yards from the barn to your room. There is no escape. Every meal, every moment outside of crew housing is spent smiling, inquiring, laughing, and being nice and right now I'm exhausted. I just want to eat Hot Pockets in my sweatpants. I want to open a real fridge and make a meal. I want to hope in my car and drive to a Fry's. I want to be in civilization.

Maybe it's less that the nomad life isn't for me and more that I want adventures and memories, not bunkhouses and mindless chores.

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